Nothing But Air
by Radar-rox
Summary: Rimmer tells Lister of a lost love. Yes its a crap summary, but it's only one chapter, so go on. What else are you going to do? Homework?


A/N: ooh tis my first fanfic.. that I've published anyway... so be nice and review please!

This isn't set anywhere in particular, just sometime after Rimmer upgraded to hard-light.I don't think there are any inaccuracies (she says, spelling 'inaccuracies' wrong), but if there are, just ignor them. I tried, ok?

I think that's it, so enjoy!

'Will you stop winging about Kochanski, Lister?'

'I'll winge if I want. You're just jealous'

'I most certainly am not'

'Yes you are, you're jealous, because you didn't have anyone on board who you loved, or loved you.'

'That's not true!' as soon as Rimmer had shouted those words, he regretted it.

'Oh yeah?' asked Lister incredulously. 'Who?'

'No-one' muttered Rimmer, looking away.

'C'mon, who? I won't make fun of yeh'

'Yes you will'

'I won't, I swear, I just wanna know'. Rimmer looked at him, and Lister could see the mix of longing and mistrust in his eyes. Finally, he spoke. 'Callie. Evans.'

'Curvaceous Callie the medical officer? How d'you get a girl like that?' he caught the look on Rimmer's face. 'I mean-'

'We were childhood friends. Grew up together.' Now that he had started talking, Rimmer didn't want to stop. He wanted to tell it all, everything that he'd been bottling up for all these years. 'She lived next door to me. We would play together, make up stories of adventure and space travel. She had this huge cardboard box that we made into a spaceship, she painted it. We would pretend that I was an astronaught and she was an alien. She would dance around me – she went to dance classes, and she was brilliant. Danced like an angel. I went to see all of the shows she was in. People would make fun of us – well, people would make fun of her, people made fun of me anyway… They would make fun of her for socialising with me, but she didn't care – we were friends, and that's all that mattered to her. Such a mature girl, but always laughing, always.

'When we were eleven her father got promoted, and they moved away. We wrote to each other a few times, but we lost touch… grew apart I suppose. I would always think of her though, she would appear in my mind at completely random moments, and say things that I'd imagine she'd say.

'When I was sixteen I joined the space corps. Even though when I was young I was always told by my parents that I wouldn't be able to join, wasn't good enough, she always told me I would be a spaceman. She was the only one who ever really believed in me, who wouldn't make fun or call me stupid. I could be myself with her, I didn't have to put on a façade, impress anyone. She would always know when I was being like that, and would tell me off or it. 'If you don't be yourself who else will?' she always said.'

'Hang on, wasn't she engaged to that security guard, what's his name, uh – Richardson?' asked Lister.

'Yes.' Rimmer sighed, 'but she didn't love him. It was arranged by the family. He didn't love her, didn't know anything about _her_ – he knew her father's money, and his power.

'She wouldn't leave him though, she was too afraid. Brutal ape of a man, Richardson. Well, I don't need to tell you, not after he shoved you in that waste disposal unit that time after you mentioned that his shoelaces were untied.

'When I saw her, on the first day here, I couldn't believe it. She was more beautiful than ever. She ran up and hugged me. Twelve years, Lister! Just ran right up and hugged me as if it were yesterday. I think that's the only time anyone has been genuinely happy to see me.

'We were just friends for a long time. I always wanted more, but I was afraid of Richardson. Then one day I heard she and Richardson had had a huge fight. I found her up on the observation deck, tears streaming down her face. She always went up there when she was depressed. She would say that looking at the stars made her, and her problems, suddenly feel very small and insignificant.'

'Is that why you go up there?' asked Lister. 'Because she did?'

'Yes. Holly told me that's where she was when…'

It took a moment for Lister to realise when he meant. When she died. 'oh'

'She was up there, crying, a bruise beginning to show on her chin. He hit her! I couldn't believe it, not even of him… to hurt something so beautiful, so perfect…

'I- I only meant to kiss her once, on the forehead… but then, I- I couldn't stop. I started kissing her all over, her eyes, her ears, her mouth… she kissed me back for a time, but then she stopped, and ran off. This was the day before the leak.

'That night, I was led in bed, almost asleep, when I felt the duvet lift. I turned to see her crawling into bed beside me. She just looked at me, then put her head on my shoulder, fell asleep. I just held her, smelled her hair, and it was just – perfect.

'I loved her. God, how I loved her, but I never told her. Sometimes she would look up into my eyes, willing me to say it, but I couldn't. I was too damned afraid.'

'Afraid she wouldn't say it back?'

'No, something even worse than that. I knew that if I told her, then she would leave Richardson for me.' Rimmer sighed. 'I was afraid that he would come after me, beat me up, and I would get a reputation or something that would- would damage my promotion aspects.' Frustrated, hating himself, he kicked the metal bin across the room, where it hit the wall with a resounding clang.

Lister got up, and patted Rimmer on the shoulder.

'I'm sorry man.' Rimmer nodded stiffly, and was then left alone.

'Arnie?' said a voice. 'Arnie?'

Rimmer stirred, then opened his eyes to behold a sight he never thought he'd see again. Dark brown hair flowing loosely below the shoulders, almond shaped eyes, a smile that would shed light into the deepest darkest cavern…

'Callie?'

'Hey Spaceman'

'Wha- how're you-' Rimmer looked back into his bunk, and remembered that he'd been sleeping. 'Oh' he sighed, 'it's a dream, isn't it.'

Smiling, she leaned down and kissed him .

'Its not a dream.' She replied. Rimmer pulled himself up into a sitting position, still considerably astounded. 'Then how - ?'

'It doesn't matter'

'Ok, why?'

' I wanted to see you!' she said, settling herself at the other end of his bunk, feet up, facing him. 'I'm proud of you' she added softly.

'Proud? What have you to be proud of? I'm a neurotic, selfish coward who memorises Risk games. I'm nothing to be proud of.'

'Hey, you're flying thoughdeep space with a cat, a glorified toilet cleaner and Lister. I'd call that pretty brave.' Rimmer scoffed.

'You chose fight rather than flight when you met your future selves'

'Flight wasn't really an option'

'It usually is for you'

They looked at each other for a long while, until Rimmer finally said it.

'I love you'

She smiled. 'I know. I love you too.'

'I'm sorry I never-'

'It doesn't matter'

He ran his hand up her leg – the only part of her he could easily and not-to-obviously reach. 'I've missed you'

'I've missed you too. Well, I've still been able to see you, but I've missed talking to you. There's so many things I've wanted to say to you when you were being – well, you. I've wanted to comfort you so much when you were upset…' she trailed off. 'I'm sorry I couldn't.' She added.

Rimmer nodded, absent-mindedly stroking the inside arch of her foot. For some reason she wasn't wearing shoes… _Then again _he thought, _she never did if she could help it._ He remembered one instance of her turning up for duty in brightly coloured knee-length socks.

'Why then?' he asked. 'I mean, if you wanted to come before, why did you choose now?'

'My ears were burning'. Rimmer looked at her dejectedly, obviously expecting more of an answer. 'I – I don't really know why I could come now but not before. I wanted to so much, but I wasn't allowed. Today I was.'

'Allowed? By who?'

'The King' Rimmer looked taken back. 'Of the potato people' she continued, causing him to laugh.

'You know, in all the time I've been watching you, I don't think I've seen you laugh.'

Rimmer didn't reply. He had Callie here, with him, at last. He didn't want to g on about how unhappy he was. She would just say something perfect hat would make him feel better, temporarily, but then he would just miss her all the more, and want her there permanently.

'What else have you seen?' he asked.

'Quite a lot' she replied thoughtfully. 'you know, in a parallel universe, there's another you and me who it worked out for? The radiation leak was only minor, and we survived. It just killed Pete.' She said, referring to her detestable fiance.

'Lucky parallel us.'

'Yeah' They stared at each other and her expression brightened. 'I've seen your future! You're gonna be great – respected, heroic-'

'An officer?'

'Arnie,' she sighed, 'there are more important things in life than becoming an officer.'

Rimmer looked disappointed. 'You just – you don't know what it means to me'

'Yes I do. I just don't understand why. You may think you need to prove yourself, but-' Rimmer looked at her. '-But you've heard this speech too many times already' she finished, half-smiling.

'So you're… a sort of… _ghost _then.' She shrugged in agreement. Rimmer sighed. 'You're more real than I am.'

'Hey – reality is all in the mind'

'Yes, and mine's computer-generated'

'If you're not real, how come I can see you?'

'Because in your mind I am real'

'Ah, you learn fast'

'I always have. Well, usually-, sometimes-, I-, no, never!' he concluded, causing her to laugh. Then, with nothing else to do, she crawled back up the bed and planted one on him.

'What was that for?'

'What, I've waited 3 billion years to see you again, you don't think I'm going to get myself just a little bit of action?' she replied, kissing him again. He sank into this second kiss with ease, as together they leaned back onto his bunk, where they lay together for a long time, sometimes kissing, sometimes simply basking in each other. Although Callie had been able to see Rimmer before, she hadn't been able to touch him, smell him, taste him…

Eventually she spoke again. 'Arnie?' Unfortunately Rimmer was to busy putting his tongue in her ear and his hand in other favourable places to notice.

'Arnie?'

'Mmm?' She placed her hand on his shoulder and gently pried him off, looking at him with sad eyes.

'Its time for me to go'

'What?' He whimpered. 'No!' he cried, kissing her briefly in an attempt to make her stay. 'You can't!'

'I've go to.' She replied, sad but resigned to her fate.

'Please.'

She slid gracefully from the bunk and stood up. 'I love you'

'I love you too.' Just as she began to turn, Rimmer grabbed her hand, making her look back. He looked up at her. 'Do you still dance?'

She smiled down at him, tears making her eyes glisten. 'I still dance.'

Rimmer held her gaze long after her eyes had faded, and the hand he was holding was nothing but air.

Does the fact that the last three words is also the title strike you as cheesy? It does me, butI didn't know what else to call it, so oh well.

Look at that review button. Go on, look. It wants to be clicked. It _needs_ to be clicked. That is it's purpose. Who are you to deny a humble button it's purpose? Well?


End file.
